This discussion has started. Find it here . Registration deadline: Tuesday, 13.06.2023 Duration: 3 weeks, 20.06.-11.07.2023 Win 1 of 20 reading copies ✨ In dieser Leserunde wird das Buch in der Originalsprache Englisch gelesen und die Diskussionsrunde im Book Circle findet in englischer Sprache statt. In his new book 8 Rules of Love , the bestselling author of Think Like a Monk , life coach and podcast host Jay Shetty shares his eight key principles for managing our emotions and expectations when it comes to love and for building more fulfilling relationships through self-awareness. He offers a revelatory guide to every stage of romance, drawing on ancient wisdom and new science. For this reading group we’re giving away 20 free reading copies of the novel, in cooperation with HarperCollins. How to participate You’d like to read along and discuss the book with other readers? Fill in this form and enter your postal address to apply for the reading group and to win one of the 20 free copies. By confirming the completed form you’re automatically in the run for a space in the reading group. The reading group 📖 The number of participants is limited to 20 people. Participants will be selected at random. After the application deadline, the winners will be announced in a comment in this thread and will receive an email with further information. All confirmed participants will receive a free copy of 8 Rules of Love . We’ll read and discuss the novel together. The exchange will take place in writing, in this forum discussion thread. After completing the book, all participants will write their personal review of the book here in the community. Conditions of participation Residence and valid postal address in Switzerland. Time to read the book during the specified period and to actively participate in the discussion, in English. Writing a personal review of the book at the end of the reading group on bookcircle.ch. Agreement that the feedback from readers and the reading group will be shared with the publisher and may be used by the publisher for advertising purposes. More about the book 8 Rules of Love Nobody sits us down and teaches us how to love. So we’re often thrown into relationships with nothing but romance movies and pop culture to help us muddle through. Until now. Instead of presenting love as an ethereal concept or a collection of cliches, Jay Shetty lays out specific, actionable steps to help you develop the skills to practice and nurture love better than ever before. He shares insights on how to win or lose together, how to define love, and why you don’t break in a break-up. Inspired by Vedic wisdom and modern science, he tackles the entire relationship cycle, from first dates to moving in together to breaking up and starting over. And he shows us how to avoid falling for false promises and unfulfilling partners. By living Jay Shetty’s eight rules, we can all love ourselves, our partner, and the world better than we ever thought possible. 352 pages Published 1 February 2023 About the author Jay Shetty, born in 1987, is a former Hindu monk and award winning host, storyteller and viral content creator who was ranked among the “30 under 30” by Forbes in 2017 for his breakthrough media success. On social media, 50 million people follow him worldwide. In 2020, his first book was published and became an international bestseller. Jay Shetty lives in Los Angeles.

CommunityAdmin Uuuuh honestly? quite intrigued about this book. Even if I won’t win a book I’ll still join the Leserunde / Reading Group ☺️

I’ve heard of Jay Shetty before but haven’t had the chance to read one of his books yet. I’d love to join 🙂

sounds interesting, so I’m throwing my name in the pot 🍀

Ohh I’m a huge fan of his podcasts + of self-help/non-fiction books! I’d also enjoy more non-fiction books as “Leserunden” 😍

Hi everyone I’m thrilled to announce the 20 winners that will be part of our non-fiction reading group for “8 Rules of Love“: @Arslantas @DanielaE @FlakiM @gluecksfee @jasistra @kerbue @Laetitia @lanja @Lee04 @Lemon @LeseSonne @Mrshorgen @Muntschgi @Ninfa @SibylleJoy @Stefi @SueWis @Tamar @tangy-on-the-rox @Uersu Congrats and welcome to our reading group! All of you will receive a copy of the book via post within the next days. To all the readers who haven’t won a copy: You’re invited to join this reading group with your own book if you’re interested in reading along & discussing the book. I’m very much looking forward to our discussion. Leave a comment below – what interested you in taking part in this group and reading this book in particular? Have you read Shetty’s previous book “Think Like a Monk”? How our book club works 📚 Our book club starts next week on Tuesday, 20th June . You should have received your reading copies by then and we can start with the first chapters together. In the meantime, you can already chat and get to know one another in the comments below. We’ll read “8 Rules of Love" in four parts and will discuss the different sections here in our conversation thread (in written form). We’ll chat about impressions, thoughts, Shetty’s exercises, criticism etc. Once we’ve finished the book, you’ll each write and share a personal review of the book here in the community. Our reading plan 📖 Week 1: Until June 27 th we read and discuss Part 1 (p. 1-73) Week 2: Until July 5 th we read and discuss Part 2 (p. 77-163) Week 3: Until July 11 th , we read and discuss Part 3 (p. 167-244) Week 3: Until July 18 th , we read and discuss Part 4 (p. 247-270) The discussion 💬 Since we probably all have a slightly different reading pace, we’ll always start our discussions on Fridays. That way we avoid potential spoilers during the week. I’ll open our discussions on Fridays when you can start sharing comments and thoughts on the chapters we’ve read. If you need a bit longer to finish the planned section, take your time and join the conversation at any point after Friday. After the weekend, we’ll then start with the next section, and so on. Best wishes, Fanny

Fanny I’m so happy to be part of this reading group

Fanny Looking forward to being part of the reading group! I’m familiar with Jay Shetty from podcasts, but this will be the first book of his that I’ve read.

Fanny I am totally excited & very much looking forward💜

Super excited to get started! This would be my first book from Jay Shetty (I do have “Think Like A Monk” but haven’t started it yet) sooo… high hopes for this one!

Fanny Very excited, looking forward to start reading!

Englische Leserunde: «8 Rules of Love» by Jay Shetty

Ninfa

Fanny good idea!

Uersu

Fanny

Hi Fanny

Since I am also late in responding I would also appreciate to get some more time.

It’s different to a regular book, even so it’s easy to read, but it needs more reflection.

After the first two chapters I am not fully convinced yet. So far most of it is common knowledge and not really a rule of love. If you are not happy with your life it is definitely difficult to make other people happy, not even talking about love. Respect your values and those of the people around you is the basic of any relationship. Personally I like to learn from others not just from solitude…. But maybe I do not get the concept yet. Thrilled to read on…

DanielaE

Fanny

More time is definitely appreciated! Thx! 😊

FlakiM

I completely agree with moving it a little to gain more time. Although I am within the timestamps I came to realise that this is a book you would want/need to take in a little bit longer. Thinking about what has just been mentioned and taught as well as having the opportunity to try out those sections of the book that lets you apply the “tips” mentioned in that chapter. (The “Try This” Sections)

Looking forward for more exchange on each others thoughts! 🙂

LeseSonne

Fanny I would appreciate that too! Maybe we can read the next 2 or 3 rules, but not the whole second part in one week?

DanielaE

I consider myself a very much grounded person as I get enough solo time in my life while doing exercises or working in my home office or doing chores around the house. This experience makes me totally agree about how important it is to spend quality time just by yourself to be able to reflect on yourself and your actions and reactions. I very much appreciate my solitude and I think I know how to take advantage of it. Being content with yourself and being a well-grounded person definitely is an important basis and a condition for successful and happy interactions with your partner, friends and colleagues. As I have already been aware of this, rule one was not really eye-opening for me.

Rule two, however, gave me food of thought. Going back to when I was a teenager - how was I treated, respected and heard by my parents and friends. Past experience certainly is part of the reason why and how you act as an adult. What was most interesting for me in rule two was the notion of the parental gaps and gifts about which I have never thought in this sense. I considered identifying parental gifts and gaps a very precious exercise. Sometimes, instead of changing how you treat others compared to how you were treated earlier in life, you adopt the same pattern. Not everybody realizes how they fall back to the patterns they experienced as a young person. And reminding them is sometimes not appreciated. It’s a delicate issue and should be approached carefully if at all. Nice if you can fill the gaps and pass the gifts on.

Looking forward to hear more about love in the next chapters.

Laetitia

Hello

I’ve just finished the second part of our book and am a bit confused about when we start our discussion about it. I would agree to slowing the reading a bit down as well because there’s a lot to refletc about and it’s a pity to hurry over it.

Enjoy your reading (now that we even know better how important this time is)

SueWis

Part 2 was a big chunk (the most extensive portion of the book), and I successfully completed reading it today. “The varying definition of love leads to confusion, miscommunication, and false expectations.” It’s fascinating to note that, on average, men supposedly say “I love you” after 88 days, while women take about 134 days. The comparison to ordering a chair online was amusing, and it holds true that we often discuss love based on limited information. Personally, I found the idea of three dates rather peculiar and somewhat sought after. However, the notion that we should prioritize our own needs, goals, and desires throughout the course of a relationship, striving for self-fulfillment and respecting ourselves, resonates as true and valuable. The advice on reacting differently to our partner, contrary to conventional responses, was also appreciated. I particularly enjoyed the analogy to Lewis Hamilton’s success story, relating it to achieving personal goals or shared goals within a relationship.

FlakiM

Reading the book that I received through this but also convinced my partner to listen to the audiobook with me. Most of part two we have listened to together (usually on the road) and it has helped us reflect on a lot of aspect in our relationship. Have you guys done the relationship role quiz on the website? It was highly entertaining and fun to do together.

On a reflective point, it was by far the most hands on part of the book. It gave us, my partner and I, lots to think about and talk about within and out of our relationship. Important to know not to lose yourself when getting into a relationship - or losing yourself within a longterm one. It is very easy to just lean into the comfort of having your significant other to your “disposal” and caring less about yourself. I have noticed this myself as I have certainly stopped with my previous hobbies or even caring for my wellbeing. We are trying to use some parts of the book to focus on ourselves a bit more while simultaneously focus on us together.

I have advances a bit further into the book than part two but I find myself jumping back to find points or to continue the “try this” parts while adding notes.

I think it’s great and very important for us to keep this book at a low pace so we can all benefit from what is written between these pages. Of course, not everyone takes is as hearty or serious and reads it for the fun of it but it would be great for those who like to dive into it a bit deeper. 🙂

tangy-on-the-rox

FlakiM I think it is very enriching for the development of a relationship, when you have the opportunity to discuss what you have read from this book together with your partner.

Mrshorgen

FlakiM I’m sort of jealous you’re doing this with your partner! My partner of 20+ years isn’t into such personal development, so it’s been interesting to read solo and think what of the three dates(!) can be applied to our relationship. I’ve done quite a lot of introspection as a person (daughter of an absent father), so it’s a good reminder to re-evaluate where I’m at in my life and perhaps be a bit more objective about my relationship with my partner and what I need to learn from it.

FlakiM

tangy-on-the-rox

Oh definitely! A very surprising turn considering my partner is not much of a reader so you can imagine the surprise when they were interested in this one!

tangy-on-the-rox

It is all about self-reflection. As the author has spent a long time in an ashram, it has trained him very much in this discipline, which he passes on in this book in every chapter. But it is also about setting boundaries, letting go, clearly knowing your limits.

About part 2 in particular:

I liked rule #4 about your partner being your guru. It depends on how you interpret the definition of a guru, of course, but if we assume that he is our teacher, or as Robert Betz’s German expression sums it up (namely our Arschengel🙂 - sorry, my language - than yes, I would agree with it 100%. People closest to us and to whom we are transparent push all our buttons in a certain way and are the ones who teach us the most. Literally our gurus - like a mirror held up to you in all its glory.

What I also enjoy are the letters at the end of each part. The first one was the love letter to myself (as I should be the number one in my life) and now at the end of this second reading part is the love letter to the partner. Just this whole symbolism to celebrate our love, to make oursself aware of the whole value that a love relationship has. Never to take anything for granted, to appreciate the good and the bad and to learn out of it.

Arslantas

I agree with @Uersu in that sence that - until now - I could not find something which is completely new for me. I still did not have the “aha-effect”. Most of it is common knowledge in a new package, also the fact that a purpose /deep sence in life or spirituality makes more happy, helps us healing more quickly etc.. is not really a new insight.

One sentence, which is not new to me as well, but a good summary of how we should behave in the world, in partnership and as parents especially is a citation from St. Francis : It is no use walking anywhere to preach unless our walking is our preaching. (page110)

Being a good example instead of giving always good advices.

I also appreciate the reminder of how we should communicate as communication is often a source of misunderstanding, but the “do say this” aren´'t new to most of us either I think.

On page 147, Shetty brings the positive example of a supporting wife. I am not sure if we always should be so supportive. I know two couples where the husband quit the safe job for a new business which was a complete desaster … Chasing dreams is good,but the partner has the ríght to be realistic when you have family, kids and no financial security. Not all projects lead to success.

FlakiM

Mrshorgen Believe me I didnt expect it either ! But I think we were both in a place were we were open for new suggestions on how to improve our current relationship. I am quite happy to be honest to know I am not alone in this - since this is indeed a two-way-street. If there is anything you would like to talk about feel free to message me anytime!

LeseSonne

I also finished the second part today. Actually, I preferred the first part, even though I could agree on several points. The second part was altogether too much “striving for the best” for me.

I liked the following points:

as already mentioned above, reacting differently, more positively and supportively even in a ‚negative‘ situation
the idea with the three dates
to share the points that you consider “given” and to thank your partner for them, and not to focus only on the points that don’t go as you want them to go

However, I believe that you don’t have to constantly strive for something better, for your own purpose or your partner’s purpose. Sometimes it is just fine the way it is, and I don’t have the expectation to constantly be my partner‘s guru or he/she my guru.

Anyway, I am very interested in the third part!

Laetitia

It’s very interesting to read your thoughts about the second part - thank you for sharing them.
I really enjoyed reading that part and even though there’s not that much completely new to me, it’s always good to be reminded of the basics for a good relationship. I like the writing style of Jay Shetty as it’s very easy to understand what he wants to tell us and his examples and exercises are well chosen.
In todays time a lot of people talk about self fulfillment and me time and so on. But I sometimes think that they are too much focused on themselves and therefore live like in a bubble and are not able to interact with other people in a proper way. In this book the author connects the part of being yourself (with all that belongs to it, as seen in the first part of the book) with being in a relationship and caring for your partner. I really like the idea of helping eachother being the best of oneself. But as someone of you mentioned before I think that we should set boundaries to that as well and shouldn’t support any idea of our partner unconditionally. It’s very important to communicate a lot about your thoughts and feelings (and for being able to do that you have to know yourself) and to reflect. And Jetty gives us good examples for a good communication.
I’m looking forward to part 3 and I’m sure that I’ll go back to this book to reread some parts and do some more exercises later on.

kerbue

I finally read the second part too! I liked this part better and have talked about it a lot with friends. It was exciting for me especially because I am quite new in a relationship and many aspects were familiar or will be. What I liked a lot is the fact that you should put yourself first in a relationship. I need a lot of time for myself and always have trouble communicating this. I am looking forward to part 3!

gluecksfee

I finally managed to get through the 2. part. I must say I struggled to get through rule 5. In my opinion, this rule was soo long, and after all nothing new to me.

On the other hand, I enjoyed rule 4, as this was a rather new point of view, viewing your partner as a guru. In general, I think we can learn from every person that comes into our life.

I particularly enjoyed:

-the idea of monthly check ins. I stumbled over this idea only some weeks ago on social media, but I think it can be a very helpful concept within a relationship!

-the three dimensions of trust

-not always criticising things in a negative way, but showing also appreciation.

Ninfa

Hi all, I am also done with the second part.

The third rule about communication seemed clear and natural to me. I preferred the fourth rule which says that my partner is my guru and vice-versa. I certainly interpret “guru” in a different way than the original word stands for. For me it is more like a very good and close friend. The idea to be modest and serve sometimes one’s partner to become something his/her better self makes a lot of sense and brings relationships to another level, but it also needs practice. I have the impression that it is linked to a good self-understanding and -management. If I am happy with what I have become, I am also more easily happy to support my partner.

I also liked concept of Dharma. The idea that everyone has purposes and that a relationship should leave enough space for all purposes is interesting and also gives a different angle to discuss issues in a partnership, without getting too emotional or personal. I will try this out in the upcoming weeks.

I am looking to the third part, now.

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